Originally I was going to lock this post and then decided that there are probably many others who are experiencing similar circumstances and could chime in.
I recently posted about a job for which I applied. I found out yesterday that I did not get the job. I had high hopes that this was the one. I’ve applied to many in the last six months. Six or seven, or is it more like eight or ten? Whatever the numbers, for each one there is the work of the application. For teaching jobs this is more extensive. Transcripts, fingerprints and certifications all need to be gathered. I have to impose upon friends to write or rewrite their references for me, yet again. I send it all in. I get my hopes up. I wait. I follow up. I don’t get the job.
I don’t feel this is at all a reflection of my competence. The employer often sites the large number of qualified and over-qualified applicants. The economy and the high unemployment rate is certainly a factor. Jobs in Maine are few and far between. Budgets are slashed. The employers applaud my intelligence, my creativity, my interesting experiences and then they say, "no." On the publishing front the message is often the same. Wow, the editors say. You are a wonderful writer. So professional. Your piece is great. I just signed a similar one. I’m sorry. No.
The question one might ask, I might ask, I DO ask, is how much "no" can a person take? The reality of our financial situation (two mortgages as our spec house is unrented and unsold) forces me to get up on that horse. Keep riding. Redesign that resume. Network more. Apply or submit again. Tenacity counts. I am tenacious.
I tell myself that a better opportunity will come along. That the universe knows what it is doing. That it wasn’t meant to be.
All this in the midst of a wonderful, magical MFA residency at VCFA in the snow covered mountains of Vermont.
What a joy kill.