Every day a blank slate

Happy New Year! Usually at this time I’d be setting and announcing some serious goals for the upcoming year. I’m a big fan of goals and work hard to check each task off of my ongoing list of things to-do. However, life isn’t always a to-do list. Sometimes life throws you the unexpected and you have to make a decision to follow a different path.

Right now, there is a lot of limbo in my life– I’m applying to jobs; I’m submitting to agents. It seems a little self-defeating to make a goal to be at a certain milestone on a specific path when the path ahead is so murky.

Still, there are larger things from which I will never deviate. Therefore, I’ve been greeting each day as a blank slate with the following promises to myself.

I am working towards success in my writing,
I am working towards patience,
I am working towards strength,
I am working towards joy,

…and I am grateful.

Finding Joy after Sandy Hook Shooting

The massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary has become yet another where-were-you-when moment in my lifetime. I will always know that I was in the Jai Yoga Studio making a new commitment to take care of myself a little better, and to find and follow the light of joy within me.

News of the shooting extinguished any joy I may have found during that yoga class, and like many writers, I turned to words to ease my pain of the senseless violence. (It’s raw, I know, but so are the feelings. Please don’t give feedback on the poem.)

Solidarity
Anna J. Boll 12/14/12

Suddenly
the sun is too bright.
A smile,
a giggle,
strains of joyful music,
seem to betray allegiance
to the parents at Sandy Hook.

20 children dead
10 days before Christmas
Their gifts wrapped
Never to be opened
What right have I to cry?

Cry for the country
cry for the world
tears of shame and anger

Again
bullets fly
Again
hope lost
Again
dreams cut short
And again
love turns to grief

I slip into scalding water
Numb to the pain.

My son slept in my bed that night and I’m not sure who was more comforted.

Since Friday, I have been moving on, caring for my children, preparing for the holidays, writing and attending yoga. The meditation and breathing has helped me remember that one of the most powerful things we can do is to bring our own goodness to the world. To be kind, respectful, and understanding. To care for others. To nourish ourselves so we can bring our best to the world. To honor the light in ourselves and others.

This weekend I gave a woman at the post office the .31 cents she needed, I opened the door for an older man, I lifted the front of a stroller for a young mother. I wrote a thank you letter, I called a relative. These and many other small good deeds add up.

“How far that little candle throws his beams, so shines a good deed in a weary world,” William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice.

5 Ways You Can Help Sandy Hook Shooting Victims.

Friends at VCFA are gathering books on grief into lists for the librarians at Sandy Hook. There are some here. SCBWI-NE is making a donation for nonfiction books.

What are you doing to heal?

Has writing lost its joy?

The other day I went for my first psychic reading and there were many moments during the hour that I was completely blown away by her uncanny knowledge of me and my family.

Okay. I know that half of you are spitting chewed pretzels into your hand as you laugh hysterically. Don’t burst my little bubble here. Just go with it. I also know the other half of you are nodding your head quietly. Either you’ve had a reading or you’ve always wanted to.

I’ve always wanted to. I’m a very head oriented person so I bring a healthy dose of skepticism with me, but I also grew up in the New Age 80’s near Takoma Park, MD and went to the Western hills of North Carolina each summer. (Yes I had a pouch with crystals and spent some time in a sweat lodge.)

As I’ve aged into Motherhood, and adult responsibilities I’ve grown out of those practices. According to the psychic– I’ve also lost my intuition and my joy.

My intuition helped me make decisions that led me on the path to joy. My decision to go to VCFA was very intuitive. It was completely the right thing to do. I looked at Ingrid’s Notes the other day and saw her amazing list of accomplishments. A year out of school, intensely focussed on revising and marketing my manuscript, I had to remind myself that just last year I had a similar list. VCFA doesn’t talk about the market. They don’t talk about agents or publishing if they can help it. Coming into the school I hated the practice. What was I paying for if not a route to publication? Now I pine for the focus on craft, the feedback of trusted advisors, the regular visits with people I love and trust. If only I could have that safe space again.

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As much as I might want to, I can’t go back to VCFA as a student. (I’m still paying off loans.) What I can do is remember the joy of writing. I can believe that I have all the resources I need to be successful. I can let go of my fear and anxiety. Write more. Trust my intuition (muse) in my work.

How do you rekindle the joy in your work?

Four score and seven years ago… Memorization in School

Son #1 has to memorize Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address for Social Studies class.

He doesn’t want to. Actually, he’s already memorized paragraphs one and two, it is three that is the doozy.

“Why do I have to memorize this?” he says. “I could understand if I had to explain the meaning of the speech or write an essay on it’s effects on the Civil War. Why memorization?”

I can understand his concern and applaud his assignment suggestions which encourage critical thinking.

I’ll admit that as a teacher I’ve asked children to memorize poetry, or the preamble to the US Constitution. I’m a big fan of Poetry Outloud and part of my motivation (for mandatory student memorization) comes from a romantic notion planted by the Dead Poet’s Society movie (that’s a link to video BTW). I imagine my students theatrically presenting literary moments in history. But there is more. As they memorize, I hope that they internalize the rhythms of the language and the meaning of the piece. It’s true, that in these situations, I spend quite a bit of time dissecting what ever needed to be memorized.

What do you think? Memorization yes or no? Is there something you had to memorize in Middle School that you still know?

Lunafest: Short films by, for, and about women

On Saturday night I had the pleasure of attending the Lunafest event at the Friends School of Portland. Lunafest is a series of short films by, for, and about women. The films were wonderful– poignant, touching, sad, happy, inspiring.

One of my favorite films was “Flawed,” by Andrea Dorfman. There’s a snippet of it here. Probably it was the picture book nature of the film that captured my creative side(she uses time lapse photography as she illustrates the story), but it was the story itself (about how she learns accepts herself– her largish nose specifically) that grabbed at my heart and wouldn’t let go. All of the films had something about them that I connected with deeply, but the most important take-away was much, much bigger.

I am a proud feminist and my sons are about sick of me drumming for more equality in the media. Still, it only takes one look at films like Miss Representation, or the work from Equal Visibility Everywhere- EVE, or studies commissioned by Geena Davis’s organization See Jane?, or the literary work by VIDA to understand that there is still serious work to be done to achieve parity in media. Here’s the thing though, even as I drum for equality, I don’t what that equality looks like. I swim in the same clichéd, stereotypical, sexpot, happy homemaker, bitchy, ambitious, white, dragon lady, black housekeeper, bull shit that everyone else does. At Lunafest, my eyes were opened to what a different view of women could be– diverse, honest, vulnerable, loving, strong, tenacious. It is rare that we get to see that woman in mainstream media.

Take a look at the Lunafest Trailer. If your organization is looking for a fundraiser with a head and heart, consider applying to host a screening of Lunafest. I promise, you’ll be glad you did it.

NaNoWriMo Day 28: Perseverance

Okay. Let’s be honest. The NaNoWriMo people should have chosen any month other than November. Why?

Veteran’s Day
Thanksgiving
Pre-December Agent ~~Rejections~~ Responses

Yes, I should have written while I was traveling with my two children to visit my family who were finally together after years and years of being in various places– but I didn’t. Now I have a flat line the size of the Colorado Plateau on my NaNoWriMo graph. It’s embarrassing but here it is.

The funny thing is that I can see a pattern. A few days off, then some productive days. I get stuck on a plot twist, talk it out with someone, then get back on the horse and ride. The other day, my friend Laura of Silver Freckles jewelry fame was offering custom wording on the wonderful pendants she crafts. Here’s my bummed-out comment and her heartening response.

If it was easy, everyone would do it. Hmmm…

Keep writing. Persevere.

Giving Thanks for Readers!

Thank you! Shepherd Elementary School Early Readers.

This morning I accompanied my mother to her volunteer position as a reader for the Shepherd School Early Readers program. I’ve discussed the program here originally, and here as a follow up. (So I suppose this is a follow up to the follow up.) I was fabulously surprised by the number of books that my colleagues at the MidAtlantic SCBWI region collected and was there as an SCBWI representative to take pictures and do a little research for an article I’m pitching to the SCBWI Bulletin. I DID NOT know that I was the main event. How wonderful for me that I got to talk a little about my own book, do a reading, and meet the inspiring children who will read these donated books.

They kept thanking me, and gave me a gift, and that wonderful signed poster in the picture– but truly no thanks was necessary: 1) the MidAtlantic SCBWI folks did the heavy lifting and 2) being able to read to and take in the energy of the kids was more valuable than any gift.

It was just what I needed to keep working on my new novel and handle the agent waiting game– AGAIN. At the end of the studying, and the work, and the art, and the craft, and the business, is the children. Let us all give thanks for the readers.

NaNoWriMo: Day 14 & Eye on the Iditarod: Aisling’s Quest

Excuses. It seems that when we least want them they rear their ugly heads and keep us from doing the things we know we need to do. In this way, I’ve found that exercise and writing both come with their share of excuses.

I can’t possibly go for a run, I have to write.
OR
I can’t possibly write, I have to ~~exercise~~ check my email.

Yes, my recent excuse has been that I can’t write on the weekends because that’s when my kids are home. Now it’s true, when both brothers are here they always end up within a four foot space of my writing desk yelling at each other about some grievance or another despite my pleas for them to separate, go outside, or “For God’s sake leave me alone.” Still, a few words are better than none, just as walking is as good as running. In short, something is better than nothing at all. So you can see that my trending progress has plateaued…

…and I need inspiration. Thus I bring you an inspiring young person, Aisling Lara Shepherd!

Aisling (pronounced Ashley) is an aspiring musher who wrote a memoir with the help of children’s author Hope Irvin Marston. Their book, EYE ON THE IDITAROD: AISLING’S QUEST, is both exciting and inspiring.

Memoir is never easy and a memoir for an eleven year-old girl doesn’t give the writer much to work with– or so you might think. With Aisling though, there is plenty to say. She started life with the adversity of serious eye muscle problems that required years of surgeries. While she recovered, she watched the Iditarod on TV, learned about mushing, and was hooked. One dog led, to a sled, which led to more dogs and races. Before Aisling and their family knew it, they were feeding butcher bits to a kennel full of dogs in Maine and supporting Aislings mushing habit. As with many activities that start with one person’s interest, the whole family was drawn into the community of mushers. Throughout injuries and dog life cycles, Aislings dream of racing the Iditarod has stayed constant. That is inspirational.

Hope Irvin Marston does a wonderful job turning Aisling’s story into a well-plotted and well-written adventure that keeps readers wondering what will happen next. The backmatter includes a glossary, teaching ideas, Iditarod resources for the web, photos of Aisling and her family (dog and person), and a wonderful list of mushing/adventure books for younger and middle grade readers. Illustrations by Bob Renaud highlight certain scenes in the text. The only complaint I had was that I wanted to know if Aisling made it to the Iditarod, but that part of the story has yet to be lived!

And… my novel has yet to be written. Today when I want to stop writing, I will think of Aisling driving her team of sled dogs through cold, and snow and how they never make excuses. They find the thrill in doing what they love to do. Happy writing.

NaNoWriMo Day 7: Showing up

So much of life is about showing up. It is about plunging into cold water, straddling a horse with its own agenda, boarding the bus on the first day of school, or putting your fingers on the keyboard and typing the first words of a novel. Even if we set goals, even if read and research a topic, plan a story or essay, or learn about a new activity, the fact is that someday we have to actually show up ready to do it.

In my current WIP, the main character has been avoided learning to swim because other things, running in her case, is easier. But when we are off-kilter in our learning, when we face disequilibrium, and challenge what is comfortable, we learn and grow and find a sense of achievement.

If you’ve showed up and plunked out a few words for your NaNoWriMo project each day, take a bow. Celebrate. You showed up. The more you show up, the easier it will be and the higher your word count will be.

My current word count: 5,414
Today: 1,147

Keep writing.

Service Revisited: Darthia Farm & Shepherd School Literacy

From time to time I post about service projects to benefit of members of the children’s and young adult writing community, the writing community at-large, and readers. I’ve gotten good news from a couple of those projects recently and thought I’d follow up.

In May, I had heard from the Maine Writers & Publisher’s Alliance about a tragic fire at the Darthia Farm (a frequent location of writing retreats for the organization.) The barn had been destroyed and many of the animals killed. This week, I received a thank you email from the farm for my donation. Thank you, from me, to any Creative Chaos readers who also may have donated. They have rebuilt and have had donations of new animals as well.

There are more pictures of the new barn, happy animals, and children visitors at the Darthia Farm blog here!

In June, I posted about a volunteer literacy initiative at my own Shepherd Elementary School in Washington, DC. After I posted here, I also contacted Ellen Braaf who is the Regional Advisor of the SCBWI Mid-Atlantic region. I told her about the lack of books and asked if she might put my notice in her occasional newsletter. She went one better and posted the call for books in their annual conference materials. At that recent conference, the support for the literacy program was wonderful. SCBWI Mid-Atlantic members, and industry professionals donated boxes of books to the help the program. My mother, who volunteers for the program, is so pleased and we both extend our thanks to Ellen and the generous members of SCBWI, Mid-Atlantic. She can’t wait to bring the books to the school in the upcoming weeks.

If this has inspired you to give to others, please see yesterday’s post about great Kidlit Auctions to benefit the Red Cross. (Reviews, Critiques, and more from industry professionals).

If you love Books of Wonder as much as I do, they need help too.